Desperation
by Sufferer's Descendant
Summary: GamKar one shot. May tack on more chapters at some point.
1. Surprise, your dead

Stroking the fallen boy's raven hair, Gamzee stared down at his pale features. The once medium gray of his skin faded, growing cold. A desperation was growing within the psychopathic clown, indigo tears welling up and threatening to spill over. "Karbro.." the clown murmured, gently shaking him in an attempt to get him to wake. "Come on, bro..wake up.." a whisper of his fears echoed in his voice, he was afraid. Afraid that he'd never hear Karkat Vantas's angry cursing ever again.

What had he done? It had started out as a playful sort of wrestling and grappling with the shorter troll, he hadn't meant to get rough with him. It just happened, something that Gamzee Makara could not stop. Something that just took over his mind, the voices of his head speaking louder than ever before he blacked out. And now he was here, staring down at the body of his best friend. He didn't know if the other was still breathing, there was no movement of his chest. He attempted to hear the faint beating of his friend's bloodpusher but heard nothing.

It was a startling realization and it hit Gamzee hard, harder than when he discovered his Lusus had gone off to travel the oceans for whatever reason. Karkat had been the one to comfort him over that detail many times and now...he knew that it wouldn't ever happen again. Some small part of him knew that it would end this way, that he'd be the one to kill off his best friend. As much as it hurt, some part of him knew while another part wanted to fight and keep him alive at his side.

Blood color be damned, he never understood much about it anyway.

He felt a sense of helplessness, a quiet acceptance settling over his shoulders along with the weight of the guilt he felt from doing this to his friend. His moirail...his matesprit...he didn't know what he'd call Karkat at the moment. He felt the pressure of desperation squeezing at his own blood pusher, the tears that threatened to fall finally did. Indigo staining that pale gray, even as he leaned down to plead with the unresponsive troll some more. Even if it was useless, he didn't want the other to be... He couldn't really think it, though he knew the other was dead.

Again and again, Gamzee whimpered for the other to wake up. Feather kisses were placed on the shorter troll's neck, shoulder, and face. The clown showered his friend in kisses, though he was convinced that it wouldn't do any good he wanted to for some reason. There was an odd stirring in his chest, it felt as though his bloodpusher was being constricted. Squeezed.

Why? That was the question floating through his mind currently, he didn't know why. He only knew that staring at his best friend's body tore at him, made him want to cry and scream violently as if it would raise him from the dead. As if it would bring him back, he buried his face into Karkat's stomach and inhaled his warm, spicy scent. Why? If he was gone, why was he still warm? Why did he still smell so...hot? Like he'd been rubbed down with a variety of spices, spices that would only be found on the human world of Earth. The scent was heedy and thick, muddling the thoughts that Gamzee's thinkpan tried to produce in a coherent state.. It wasn't easily done, the clown gripped at his friend's black, long sleeved shirt as a sob escaped his proteinchute.

Why? That question haunted him, Gamzee stayed there for hours. He curled up with his friend's body and snuggled into the fading warmth, at which point he no longer really felt anything but the emptiness in his chest. It tore and cut at him, like a blade to his blood pusher. He hurt, he cried and whimpered for the other to come back. To wake up, until his throat was raw and his voice nearly gone. He eventually had fallen asleep over the Cancer's body, his hand gripping the lifeless pair with desperation. 


	2. Torment the Bee Keeper

It was pathetic, watching as the clown broke down over an accident. True, he was dead but that didn't mean he was upset with the clown. True, he was angry that he was dead but none of that rage was directed toward the clown. He was angry because he couldn't comfort the clown, he couldn't even get his attention. No matter how hard he tried, the clown just wouldn't look up. He tried shaking him, though his hands just passed right through him. Augh! It was irritating.

Your name is Karkat Vantas and you're dead, you died at the hands of your moirail in a wrestling match. You don't really know how it happened, but one thing you know for sure. Your moirail is blaming himself for your death and you desperately want to console him, but how?

You can't stand watching this anymore, now that he's asleep and clutching your lifeless body's hands like a lifeline. You leave, passing right through the door. It's something that's better left alone for the moment, you sigh and just make your way from the door. Now that you're dead and no one can see you, you decide to watch everyone without having to be told to get the fuck out.

You steer clear of Terezi though, you know she'd probably end up smelling you out though you're dead. You might visit her later...to consult with her about Gamzee. Though, that's a thought for a later time. Let the Juggalo sleep, it was better than reminding him of what he had done so soon. Sollux was the first troll you'd actually come across, just wandering around the most frequented areas. Surprisngly, he did come out of his room away from his computers and bees and mind-honey. You decide to follow him for a bit, your feet hovering off the ground. You found it weird but you weren't complaining, at least you couldn't trip up anymore and fall into whoever was in front of you. That was a plus, despite your negative situation at the moment.

You found that Sollux wandered to your own room, for whatever gog-forsaken reason. Probably to patronize you in person, though he wouldn't find you there. Your body was with Gamzee...and it probably seemed as though you were sleeping with your palemate.

Following after him awhile longer, he eventually returned to his room having given up on finding you. There had been no response from Gamzee, Kanaya, and the remaining trolls either said they didn't know or that you were probably off somewhere. You sometimes liked your space, retreating to the colder climate outside.

You hovered over his shoulder, staring at his screen as he filled in complex codes. Maybe you would learn his secret, he didn't seem to do anything really special save for the complexities of the codes. It was interesting, to say the least but that didn't really pique your interests. You leaned back as if in reflex when Sollux brought his hand up to wave something that wasn't really there away. A reflex, because normally he would've just pushed you from the room with his powers. Now he couldn't make you leave, he would have to deal.

For the time being, you decided to cause at least a little havoc around the room. You moved across the floor, your feet never even touching the ground and moved to shuffle some papers that he'd left lying near his beehive. To your surprise and Sollux's obvious chagrin, they moved at your touch. So maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all. You watched as the yellow-blooded troll scowled and turned his chair around, he scanned the room with a frown when he saw no one was even there. He shook his head, muttering to himself. "Must be hearing things..."

Oh, you were going to get a kick out of this. That was for sure. At least, until the other thought he was on the verge of going crazy or something along those lines. You proceeded to poke at his bees, disturbing their slumber one at a time until a fair amount were buzzing around. That clearly grated on the four-horned troll's nerves, though you saw a look of wonder on his face when he faced the bees and made them drop back into slumber once more.

A grin crossed your features, maybe being dead wasn't all that bad. 


End file.
